Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
