ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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