Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
