I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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