This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
