I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
