...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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