Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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