and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
