Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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