I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
