Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
