If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
