She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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