I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
