you would pick up someone in the library
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
