Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
