i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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