She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
