I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
