I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
