Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
