im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
