things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
