Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
