P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
