i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
