I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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