I think i peed on brittanys purse
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
