Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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