They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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