May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
