Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
