Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
