I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
