You're my little dorito
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
