she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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