Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
