you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
