break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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