His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
