Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
