escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
