States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My liver just had a heart attack.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
