An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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