so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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