Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Panties = found
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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