I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
