She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nutella sex= disaster
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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