Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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