you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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