I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
